Better Man
by Cali
Summary: A visit at his girlfriend's grave brings back sore memories...


__

Send someone to love me  
I need to rest in arms  
Keep me safe from harm  
In pouring rain  
  
The young man bent down and laid the white rose at her grave.  
She had always loved those delicate, fragile flowers.   
She used to say they reminded her of love.  
To him, they meant tears and death.  
He straightened up, and looked down at the little village.  
The sky above Ottery St. Catchpole was grey, and rain fell silently down.

__

Give me endless summer  
Lord, I fear the cold  
Fear of getting old  
Before my time

He remembered the day her young life had been violently ripped away.  
Her own birthday had become her own deathday.  
She was just eighteen, he was nineteen.  
After that day, his life was naught but tragedies.  
The bitterness stung his heart.  
Why his friends?  
Why had they, one by one, been taken away from this earth, leaving him all alone?  
A tear trickled down his young, but lined face.

__

As my soul heals the shame  
I will grow through this pain  
'Cause I'm doing all I can  
To be a better man

He remembered those years of loneliness.  
All he had done, was burying himself in his work, determined not to think of the pain.  
A muggle job here and there, but never for long..  
He looked down at the letter in his hand.  
No doubt who they were from, with the Hogwarts crest and all.  
The only place he had ever called home.  
It had been home because of his friends, his house, and HER.

__

Go easy on my conscience  
'Cause it's not my fault  
I know I've been taught  
To take the blame

He still blamed himself.  
If she only hadn't jumped in front of him, if only they hadn't thought him to be the spy, they would still be alive today.  
And he wouldn't be alone this day.  
And a certain boy wouldn't have to spend his nights looking at old photos, instead of having his mother tuck him in and his father saying goodnight.  
There were so many things the man knew he could have done different. But he hadn't done any of those them.

__

Rest assured my angels  
Will catch my tears  
Walk me out of here  
I'm in pain

Down the hill, a young girl with flaming red hair was being teased by her older brothers.  
The man gave a shiver as he noticed how much she looked like her aunt at that age.  
They even shared the same name.  
He watched the children as they played at what fifteen years ago had been a place of a battle between life and death, but now was a garden in front of a lop-sided house.  
This was why he didn't come here so often.  
Because the memories were too strong.

__

As my sould heals the shame  
I will grow through this pain  
'Cause I'm doing all I can  
To be a better man

Watching the children, gave him a feeling of how long it had been.  
How old was that blackhaired toddler he had once cradled in his arms, under the supervision of a proud father now?  
12?  
13?  
He knew he was supposed to remember it, but over the years, he had lost track of time.  
The present didn't interest him anymore, because it was the past that held all the happy memories.   
So many people had told him to move on with his life.  
Easy for them to say.

__

Once you've found that lover  
You're homeward bound  
Love is all around  
Love is all around

Because for a couple of years, he had it all.  
Friends, a job, a girl he loved.  
Now, all that was left was memories.

__

I know some have fallen   
On stony ground  
But love is all around

Over the years, he had grown used to the loneliness, and his heart had slowly healed.  
Now, he was able to think back and smile at those things that happened.  
But sometimes, late at night, he couldn't help himself.  
Those nights were long, cold, and lonely.

__

Send someone to love me   
I need to rest in arms  
Keep me safe from harm

From pouring rain

The rain fell on him, and mixed with the tears running down his face.  
He looked at the grave, and then at the letter in his hand.  
He had been offered a job.  
As a teacher.  
He frowned at the thought of what his friends would have said.  
Should he accept the offer?  
He wasn't sure.  
Returning to Hogwarts would mean seeing those halls they had ruled, the classrooms were they once had done their best to not learn anything, and the grounds they used to roam.

__

Give me endless summer  
Lord, I fear the cold  
Fear I'm getting old  
Before my time

But he would also get to see his old teachers again.  
And people from his school days.  
Some friends.  
But also some enemies.  
The wind ruffled his hair, and he could swear it was like it whispered to him.  
'Come on, old bean!'  
'It's a brilliant opportunity, you know.'  
'Teach those kids how to really do some mischief.'  
He looked up at the sky, and smiled.  
"I'll do it."

__

As my soul heals the shame  
I will grow through this pain  
Lord I 'm doing all I can  
To be a better man...

****

A/N: This fanfic could be about anyone, as no names are mentioned. But it's not. It's about Remus, visiting his girlfriends grave in the summer before PoA.   
If you want to know more about her, read one of my other fics, called **Happy Birthday.   
Disclaimer: **The song **Better Man** belongs to Robbie Williams, and everything else recognisable to JK Rowling.


End file.
